GHASTLINESS
It is understood from authoritative sources that an attachment for Kṛṣṇa because of feelings of disgust sometimes presents a ghastly ecstasy in devotional service. The person experiencing such ecstatic love for Kṛṣṇa is almost always in the neutral stage of devotional service, or śānta-rasa. A description of ecstatic love caused by ghastliness is found in the following statement: “This person was formerly interested solely in the matter of lust and sense gratification, and he had perfected the greatest skill in exploiting women to fulfill his lusty desires. But now how wonderful it is that this same man is chanting the names of Kṛṣṇa with tears in his eyes, and as soon as he sees the face of a woman, he immediately becomes disgusted. From the indication of his face, I would think that now he hates sex life.”
In this mellow of devotional service in ghastliness, the subecstatic symptoms are spitting upon the consideration of one’s past life, contorting the face, covering the nose and washing the hands. There is also trembling of the body, forcible twisting of the body and perspiration. Other symptoms that may be present are shame, exhaustion, madness, illusion, frustration, humility, self-pity, restlessness, eagerness and stunning of the body.
When a devotee, lamenting for his past abominable activities, shows special symptoms on his body, his feeling is called ecstasy in devotional service in ghastliness. This is caused by the awakening of his Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
In this connection there is the following statement: “How can a person take pleasure in the enjoyment of sex life in this body, which is a bag of skin and bones, filled with blood and covered by skin and flesh, and which produces mucus and evil smells?” This perception is possible only for one who is awakened to Kṛṣṇa consciousness and who has become fully cognizant of the abominable nature of this material body.
A fortunate child in the womb of his mother prayed to Kṛṣṇa as follows: “O enemy of Kaṁsa, I am suffering so much because of this material body. Now I am trapped within a mess of blood, urine and liquid stool within the womb of my mother. Because I am living in such a condition, I am suffering great pangs. Therefore, O divine ocean of mercy, please be kind to me. I have no ability to engage in Your loving devotional service, but please save me!” There is a similar statement by a person fallen in a hellish condition of life. He addressed the Supreme Lord thus: “My dear Lord, Yamarāja has placed me in a situation that is full of filthy and obnoxious smells. There are so many insects and worms, surrounded by the stools left by different kinds of diseased persons. And after seeing this horrible scene, my eyes have become sore and I am becoming nearly blind. I therefore pray, O my Lord, O deliverer from the hellish conditions of life. I have fallen into this hell, but I shall try to remember Your holy name always, and in this way I shall try to keep my body and soul together.” This is another instance of ecstatic love for Kṛṣṇa in an abominable situation.
It is to be understood that any person who is constantly engaged in chanting the holy names of the Lord – Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa, Hare Hare/ Hare Rāma, Hare Rāma, Rāma Rāma, Hare Hare – has attained a transcendental affection for Kṛṣṇa, and as such, in any condition of life, he remains satisfied simply by remembering the Lord’s name in full affection and ecstatic love.
In conclusion, it may be stated that ecstatic love for Kṛṣṇa in ghastliness appears during the development of dormant neutrality into developed affection.
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